Not that long back

He slowly moved his hands and picked up the photo frame kept on the high table beside the fireplace. Adjusting his glasses, he brought it closer to his face. Staring at that picture had become a daily ritual for him. It wasn't that long back when the picture was taken. He could still remember the exact incidents clearly.

It was the very starting phase of their long distance relationship. He was visiting her for the weekend. They stood in front of mirror trying to take a mirror selfie. Her both hands were wrapped around him, eyes closed, planting the most loving kiss on his left cheek, just above his thick beard line. His left hand wrapped around her shoulder, managing her balance while holding camera in right hand with a fake surprise expression on his face. How cheesy! 

Click! 

"Show my how it came", she said excitingly. 

He proudly showed the phone's screen.

"Chheee, I look ugly. You look really good though. Your expression is superb. (in a sad voice) But I look ugly. Delete it"

"No I am not deleting it. You look great. I was faking a surprise expression but look at you! Your kiss is real, so loving it looks. (smilingly) I am not deleting it."

They settled on the picture argument and sat into the couch in the corner of the room, facing each other and talking. She was telling him about something. But his mind was not there. He kept nodding his head, pretending to listen but he was only half-listening. Something was bothering him but he was hiding his expressions with a smile plastered at his face. 

Inside his head "This is so confusing. Everything seems to be going so fast. I like her a lot. But does she likes me back equally? Yeah you dumbo, look at her. She is too much into you. That's the problem you see, she is too much into me. Everything looks bright initially. But what if she loose interest in me after a while? What if I loose interest in her after knowing her more? What if I fall for her but she never falls for me? But she seems to be already into you! Then what if I never feel about her the same way she feels about me? I don't want to hurt her feelings. It will hurt me as well!. What do you want? Are you scared that she has feeling for you and you doubt you will have similar feelings for her and you might hurt her? Or are you scared to hurt yourself that you might get more feelings for her but she never get the similar feelings for you? I don't know. The first one probably. It's okay if I get hurt. I will manage. She shouldn't get hurt. Why am I so complex? why can't I just let it be. It's too confusing. I just...."

Suddenly she broke his chain of thoughts, "You know I can read your face? Something is bothering you. What is it?"

"Nothing". He tried to widen his smile while looking away from her eyes.

"I know it's not nothing. Look at me"

He couldn't hide his expressions any more. He looked away. 

"Look at me sweetie, come on. What is it that's bothering you. Look at me"

He hid is face in his palms. "I am scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"myself. I always ruin things. I repel people. What if this doesn't work out?"

"You won't repel me"

"You don't understand. When I am scared, I cut myself off from people. What if I hurt you? I don't want to hurt you, I just can't. I ....."

"Hey! listen. look here (lovingly trying to move his hands away from his face). listen. You won't hurt me. I am very strong. If things don't workout, I can handle it. But I can't see you like this. I am mentally prepared in case things don't work out and you want to end things. Yeah, it will hurt me. I won't date anyone for next two years probably. But it's okay. You take your time. But I can't see you like this"

Can someone love somebody so much that they can let them go away, even when they know it will kill them from inside? How can someone walk away from a love like that?
Sometimes simplest things in life seems most complex. When this happens, all we gotta do is go with the flow. 

"Hey! Keep that old picture back and come here, sit with me." Her loud voice brought him back from
the memory lane.
"Coming Laavvo" he said while keeping back the photo frame.
He walked slowly towards the couch near the window, leaning on his walking stick. The bright rays of sun from the window were kissing her pink cheeks. Time had added to her beauty. He thought in his mind, "Ghosh she looks so beautiful. I can't imagine what I would have done without her. I am glad I went with the flow" His heart skipped a beat looking at her.
He slowly sat beside her, wrapping his arm around her while she gently leaned her head on his shoulder. 

She said softly, "I don't understand why you keep staring at that old picture every day. I look ugly in that."

He in his heavy voice, "Ahh.. it's not that long back when I took that picture and you look great in it"

"Yeah yeah, not that long back. Just some 50 plus years old."

They both smiled.

My arms are hurting

Ding dong.

My heart was racing up like never before. I could hear my heart beat louder than the doorbell ring. I knew it's her standing out, we just texted each other. I had met her in the office cafeteria less than 3 hours back. Still I had the strongest butterfly feeling in my stomach. 

Ding dong. 

Was that the sound of the doorbell again or was it my heart pounding? How do I look? Am I looking okay? How is the hair? Ohh there is no time for checking myself now. She is waiting outside. Come on, just open the door. Wait, what are you wearing? Doesn't matter, you are fine. Just open the door already. Wait, don't forget to smile.

With thousand thoughts going through mind, I unlocked the door and slowly swung the door to a side. It was her! Standing with a shy composure. Our eyes met and we both smiled. She stood there, staring the ground, hands folded behind, slightly swinging her shoulders side by side like a shy kid. Moving aside the door, I tried saying come on in but all I could manage was to signal her with hands to walk in. She swiftly walked in, turned around facing me and stood. I closed the door and stood facing her. For the first time we were standing face to face inside a room without anyone else around, without people waiting for us outside, without any mental pressure, inhibition or any time limit. The last few weeks were very stressful. Everyday felt like the last day we might be talking over phone. But somehow we survived. The stress had taken a toll on her. She had lost several pounds. In the mellow light of the bed lamp, I could not help but notice how pale and fragile the stress had made her. The usual pink glow from her cheeks was missing. Her beautiful deep eyes looked tired. I felt sorry to put her through this. An uneasiness started to grow in my chest. I stood there looking at her with mixed feelings. Worried to see her in this fragile, weak state. At the same time admiring that in spite of all the turbulence of last few weeks, how she still looked gorgeous. The long, smooth dark silky hairs, the naturally red lips, long slender neck and the tall figure. I just stood there perplexed, not sure what to do. 

We stood frozen, 3 feet apart in front of each other, occasionally glancing at each others face, our

eyes would meet and immediately we would gaze away. Suddenly something happened. She leapt forward, almost in a flash of moment, and before I could understand she hugged me. Her long thin arms tightly wrapped around me, as if she is afraid of letting go. I gently hold her with one arm while keeping the other hand behind her head and took a deep breath. I could smell her sweet hairs. All the thousand thoughts vanished from my mind. I was truly in that moment. I don't know how long we remained standing like that. I slowly lowered my head and kissed her forehead. She tightened her arms more around me and dug her face deeper into my shoulder. I could feel the moistness of her tears through my shirt. I tightened my one arm around her and softly patted her back with the other. Almost together, we both took a deep sigh.  Our heart beats had synchronized by now.  There was a kind of calmness, a feeling of relaxation and peacefulness in that moment. We  lost the track of time. We stood like that in silence, soaking in every bit of that blissful moment. Sometime later, she broke the silence in the most innocent voice saying, "my arms are hurting now". We both laughed. 

That was our first hug :)